dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
