his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
