I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
