how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
