I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize