He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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