Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We need to get me chipped asap
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
