I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
