fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
