I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
