he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
