She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
