I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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