Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
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