Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
