i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
