Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
