Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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