Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize