now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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