Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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