I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
