These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
