Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
