I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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