I need to stop coming to work sober
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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