just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
