I've blown a few things in my day
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
