pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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