Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
