Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
