perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize