He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
