My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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