What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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