My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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