why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
