Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
