he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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