Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
