Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I need water and some morals
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
