The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
