I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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