I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
