i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
