you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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