just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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