Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
