I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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