Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
