I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
