So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
