I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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