I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
No subtext here. People are naked.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
