I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
