I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
