plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
