apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
