someone threw a dead crab at me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you would pick up someone in the library
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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