he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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