Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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