i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
