all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize