I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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