so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
