I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
