at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
