So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
