my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
