I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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