I want you more than these girls want KFC
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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