if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize