I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
