My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
