Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
