just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize