We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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