It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize