ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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