this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
