small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
