Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I could make wine with my vomit
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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