Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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