so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
