you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
fuck your aforementioned shoe
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
