whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
