Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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