I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
