there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
