It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
