But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You're a waste of cheezeits
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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