Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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