Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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