i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
