dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
