brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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