the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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