My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
