I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
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